Black, Black Heart
by Dr. Doodle
Summary: One-shot. Set after 'Harley Quinn: Preludes and Knock-Knock Jokes'. Harley reflects on her relationship with The Joker.


**A little bit of a re-write here but I needed to touch some things up concerning her speech & fix some mistakes that were made - my bad people! :S**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_This is just something I decided to write whilst writing the 5__th__ chapter to Batman Origins: Harleen Quinzel, which is pretty much finished dialogue wise. I just need to fill in the gaps! ;]_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harley Quinn, The Joker or anything else. It all belongs to DC Comics.

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_"Enemy, familiar friend, my beginning and my end.  
Knowing truth, whispering lies and it hurts again.  
What I fear, what I try, the words I say and what I hide.  
All the pain, I want it to end...but I want it again.  
And it finds me, the fight inside is coursing through my veins.  
And it's raging, the fight inside is breaking me again.  
It's still the same, pursuing pain isn't worth the life I've gained.  
We both know how this will end but I do it again.  
And it finds me, the fight inside is coursing through my veins.  
And it's raging, the fight inside is hurting me again.  
The war within me pulls me under.  
And without you, the fight inside is breaking me again.  
It's breaking me, it's breaking me.  
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart."** - 'Fight Inside' by RED**_

**I was going to add the lyrics to David Usher's song 'Black, Black Heart' which the title was obviously taken from but I thought this song illustrates Harley's inner torment perfectly :]**

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Black, Black Heart**

In the beginning we were two of a kind, at least ya made me believe we were. You'd make the plans and I'd try to chip in where I could. But you always wanted the credit. Ya wanted to take down Bats. Ya wanted it to be _yours_. Ya wanted him to laugh at the _punch line.  
_But he never did.  
He always won and you were always left to start all over again. Ya never failed to. And I never quite got why ya wanted it so much. Lookin' back now there ain't a doubt in my mind ya wanted it more than ya wanted me. You always will. I know you too well and I know you'll be outta Arkaham soon. The funny thing is - ya probably already are. I know it's just a pit stop, a little restin' place between crimes. It always has been but this time you ain't got your handy li'l Harley Quinn to break ya out. Though that might make it a little harder, I know you'll find a way. Ya always do. And that's the thing about you, as long as you're alive you'll keep re-appearing. Turnin' up when you're least expected. It's just the way you are and it's one of the many reasons I loved ya. The spontaneity. Bats never fails to realise it. And ya never fail to show him respect in your own special way. Hell, even I've grown to respect the big oaf despite his countless attempts to come between us.

He'd always try to take me from ya, try to convince me to stop bein' your li'l Harley Quinn and start bein' boring old Harleen Quinzel again. And it made me laugh that he never understood why I stayed with ya. Why I didn't want that normal life back. But this was all before I saw ya for what you really were. Before I realised what you were doing to me. What you did. How you tore me apart to make me into somethin' of your own. The truth is that I'm your creation and you used this. I was a trophy for ya to parade around so you could show the world what you were truly capable of. Ya kept me around so you could remind them all how _easy_ it would be for ya to break 'em. Just like you broke me. Your little creation, your baby. She's still alive and well, your Harley doll, your li'l **Harley Quinn**. 'Cept now she don't belong to you _puddin'_, my _Mistah J_. The funny thing is, I still like to call ya that and I always will. All 'cause I was the only one who could. You were never just 'The Joker' to me. You were always somethin' much bigger than I could ever imagine. I knew this the moment I met'cha.

I'll never forget the first time I saw that_ smile_. The first time I heard that _laugh_...it felt like I suddenly got everythin' I ever wanted. You know the feelin', when the world stops and things just start fittin' into place...well maybe ya don't.  
But I did and I know you knew from the beginning how much I wanted you. **All of you.**  
Your secrets, your approval, I wanted to know everythin' about you. I'd like to think that's why you chose me. Ya wanted to show me what it'd take to be by your side. To teach me a lesson and it was one I learned well. Ya wanted to show me a whole other world where the possibilities were endless but ya refused to let me stray. Ya always wanted my loyalty. Ya wanted to know I'd stick around no matter what, ya wanted to know how far I'd go. And you raised the bar each day, tested me to the point of another break down at times. But I always did it and ya always showed me somethin' that coulda been love. In a way I gained your trust from all the crazy stuff I did for ya. As much trust as you were willin' to give anyway. Ya trusted me with secrets, with your emotions. You showed more to me than you could ever know. But there'll always be that voice in the back of my head. That voice that tells me the secrets were made up and the emotions were all an act. But that's what you really are, aren't ya? An act. The clown that wants the world to take notice of him. That wants to make 'em laugh at, cry for, hate and fear him. And that's what made me want ya in the first place. I thought I could see beneath all that stuff. Where everyone else saw the clown that did nothin' but laugh and laugh at the misery he made for 'em. I saw the man underneath. I saw the pain. And I've always took pride in the fact they all saw the aloof clown, they all saw the jokes and never got the punch line but _I_...I was the only one that saw the tears, the frustration when things didn't work out the way ya wanted 'em to. You wanted to be taken seriously, ya wanted to make a point. So ya did it the only way you knew how, you made a real show of it. Every time. But I know it wasn't all an act. Some of what I saw was real. Even if it was only a _small_ part.

And I refused to believe that ya weren't mine in the beginning. 'Cause I wanted to call the most dangerous man in the world my own. I _needed_ it. But you never were. And I know now this was 'cause I was yours, one of your possessions, a plaything. I was a pretty little trinket for you to wear like a shiny diamond necklace. We did steel a lot of 'em after all. So I see it now, I see what it was all about, after all, your stuff can't own you can it? That was somethin' that got proven time and time again. I'd say somethin' wrong or Bats would do somethin' for me to mess up a job and I'd get thrown out, tossed aside. You'd beat me within an inch of my life, even try to kill me like ya did last time. But I'd come crawling back. I'd always come back. That was the way things were. It was our game. I took it 'cause I could. I accepted it 'cause it made sense. Not anymore though. Now I know I deserve better. And now I laugh 'cause in the end Bats was right, 'cause he never lost faith that I'd leave ya.

And I did. I'm gone and this time I ain't comin' back.

I know there'll always be the weight of you showin' up on my shoulders. I know it's only a matter of time before I see ya again and when that day comes you'll probably kill me. But until that day there's one thing I gotta say. And that's if there's one thing you did for me, one thing I can take away from it all, it's who I am now...it's _**Harley Quinn**_. She's the one I gotta look out for now. She's flyin' solo and I wanna thank you for her. 'Cause if it weren't for you, she wouldn't exist. Ya gave old Harleen Quinzel the push she needed. The gal I was ain't nothin' compared to the one I've become. And I just wanna say as long as I live, however long that might be;

**There'll never be another fella quite like you _puddin'_.**

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**_First time I've ever wrote a straight forward Batman comic piece. I usually write Nolanverse stuff so please let me know what you think? :]_


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